Attack Productions

Grab the tanning beds and protein bro & let’s kill somebody ‘Jersey Shore Massacre’ – movie review

Jenni Farley, better known as ‘JWoww’ from MTV’s reality shows Jersey Shore and Snooki & JWoww, has stepped from in front to behind the camera recently.  Hitting theaters TODAY is the tongue-in-cheek Farley-produced Jersey Shore Massacre.  Fret not, fans and naysayers, there’s a little something in this horror-romp for everyone.

Surprisingly, Jersey Shore Massacre has an unexpected self-awareness – it pokes fun at itself every chance it gets, from purposely exaggerated ‘Jersey’ accents, to blatantly inaccurate math equations, to a complete lack of comprehension about what stockholders really do.  Diehard fans of the Jersey Shore television series are guaranteed to encounter a massive saturation of inside jokes and references.  (Yes, I conducted “research” for my Horror Movies Uncut duties by renting and watching episodes of Jersey Shore…)

Gore fans won’t be disappointed, either.  There’s some pretty nasty hacking, slashing, stabbing, and torture on display.  A tanning bed, wood chipper, can of hairspray, and the ever-reliable meat cleaver all get their moment in the blood-splattered spotlight (among many other worthy, carnage-inducing weapons).

Packed to the brim with homage after homage, 80s horror fans will delight in a variety of purposely composed shots (resemblances to the ocean-to-boardwalk opening of The Lost Boys, the townsfolk of Deliverance, a dash of April Fools Day, and even a couple of ‘Camp Crystal Lake’ gags).

Yes, it’s a cheesy movie, but that is its intent.  JWOWW Productions pulled a no-holds-barred on this one, even enlisting Ron Jeremy as a pothead hippy property owner.  Is its tagline, “The situation just got deadly,” a loaded statement?  Did Jersey Shore Massacre give anything away?  I’ll let the audience figure that one out.  I will admit I was wrong about the killer’s identity, and then I was right, and then I was wrong again.  Just watch the movie, and see what I mean.  Kind of like The Situation’s abs, it was right there under your nose all along.

So, in the tradition of Jersey Shore, grab some booze, make sure your tanning bed temperature setting doesn’t go awry, and settle in for a night of inappropriate behavior that actually calls itself out – comically, of course.  Jersey Shore Massacre is now playing in select theaters.  It hits VOD, DVD, and Blu-ray August 26th.


JERSEY SHORE MASSACRE is now playing in limited theaters. It hits DVD and Blu-ray on August 26th. It is directed and written by  Paul Tarnopol and stars  Danielle Dallacco, Sal Governale, Richard Christy, Bigfoot and Ron Jeremy. It is being released by Attack Entertainment. For more on JERSEY SHORE MASSACRE visit their official websites.

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